Friday, July 25, 2014

Mothering Through Fatigue

The fatigue threatens to steal my joy. It’s been a long day, we are out of town and I should be enjoying the break from everyday life. Instead old fears creep in as I struggle with being so tired.  I’ve walked this path before and it isn’t a pleasant journey.
I slip away for an afternoon nap, and wake up feeling just as exhausted. Downstairs I try to put on my happy face and visit with family as if nothing is wrong. Inside I really want to just cry.
Bedtime finally comes and I wrestle with my 2 year old not wanting to go to her bed in a strange house. Anxiety is rearing it’s ugly head as my body is so weary, my adrenaline is soaring as I try to stay calm.
Suddenly I stop. I have a choice to make. A decision to choose joy or to slip further into discouragement. As I start putting pajamas on the 2 year old and look into her smiling face, the answer is clear. I must choose joy. My children depend on me. My husband needs me to be peaceful instead of irritated.
The words to Psalm 46 flood my mind, and I remember my mother singing it through lips of faith. “God is my refuge and strength, an ever present help in time of trouble. So we will not fear, though the earth give way. Though the mountains fall into the midst of the sea.”

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